My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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