So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
