So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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