they need to just BURY HIM!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
