I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
