So drunk its hurt
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
