I didn't shave. On purpose
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
