did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize