we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
