why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
