I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
