Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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