Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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