so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
