I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
