you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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