i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need moral support for this bender
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
