Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have fence marks all over my body
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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