you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
