I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
