My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
