I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
