false alarm. still invincible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
