I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
