i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
