You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
