I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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