Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
