The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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