i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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