I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
