Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
