just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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