i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
