i permit you to call me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
