i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my fart just growled at me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
