Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
