Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
