i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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