toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
