break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm passing your future prison.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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