Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
