he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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