my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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