I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
