I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
