first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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