i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize