Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
