I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
