Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
