Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
