just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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