I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
