if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this boner is exhausting
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
