You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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