i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
