I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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