My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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