Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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