dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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