my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
