My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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