if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think people are normalizing furries
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
