i just wanna soil my oats bro
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
