i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
