So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
