He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
