My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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