i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
