Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
