I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
