Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
