im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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