The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
