Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
