i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
