Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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