I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
