Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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