i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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