I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize