It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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