If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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