I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
