Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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