Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize