She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
