moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
