I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We need to get me chipped asap
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