look no pants
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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