2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
