I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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