i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
