so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
