Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
