At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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