I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i drank out of a bidet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
