Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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