I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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