I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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