Moan for me like Helen Keller
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
