I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
