I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
