i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
