i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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