i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
