i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
