No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize