He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
