the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
