i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
