he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She needs sedatives and a leash
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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