Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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